Thursday, July 31

Never felt more caught up by work than ever before. PW's totally taxing me to the limits, not to mention the upcoming promo exams, though it's still quite a while before that. Aiya, nothing to say lor, just feel life's very peaceful yet so traumatic at the same time. Well...

Posted by Isabelle at 9:56 pm

Saturday, July 26

Realised have been in very irritable in school, wonder why... school stress? nah, i dun think so... maybe because of the people... maybe i am not controlling my anger very well... i dun have this problem back at xinmin... why? hmm... i can't imagine mi screaming at people, but i did, and more than once already... getting really pissed at anything... haiz...

Posted by Isabelle at 11:20 pm

Friday, July 25

It's been a terrible week for me... haiz... caught up by tons of work... stupid PW... i hate the whole idea of having that... especially when my team isn't cooperating... and we have a deadline to meet... argh... bogged down by homework, the fear of being retained this end of year, teachers trying to chase you for assignments, team members who simply didn't not want to find time for PW. And written reports haven't touched yet...

A lot of things bottled up... Slept late every night to finish up whatever I haven't... seems like bottomless pit... Came home and felt very tired... Ven's mad at me for duaing her (again) coz I slept when I should have replied her... Just got so pissed at some super irritating joker that can't take a joke (how ironic and petty)... Screamed at everyone about everything especially about that guy (that's so un-myself)... stormed off and came home to sleep... argh... pretty tensed up...

Still haven't received a reply from ven... can't tell whether she's still mad anot... and couldn't find time to pei xin... i think i have really been neglecting her this week... especially when I didn't go AJ to support her volleyball... really wished a day could have more hours... so much to do, so little done...

Posted by Isabelle at 10:08 pm

Sunday, July 20

Sorry, bam, don't blame them lar... it's just because i din stop them from drinking... I should haf done that, because I haf graduated, but I din… I din realize dey actually drank so much… I nb pay attention to what dey were doing… I assumed they knew their limits…

Y muz I be so blur… caoz… I heard they say they drank, but I din piece up what dey said… just ignored… wah… feel so irresponsible, so regretful, really very sorry… now den realized they drank so much… a bit too late liaoz… I think I not fit to be senior lor… can’t even oversee the people… crap…

Y din I notice? The question keeps popping up… argh...

Posted by Isabelle at 11:07 pm

Wowz man, had great fun at the BBQ tonite... Summore a very nice belated bdae prezzie from my di di, sumthing i nb expect from him lor... the prezzie's very nice, very ai bu shi shou (for me lar!!)... ok, anyway, din expect a lot of people to know me, but surprised at how i fitted very well leh, coz i think i am a bit too odd one out... very glad to see juniors and be siao wif them, though some i dun quite know... hehe... anyway, it was quite a blast, and too bad xin couldn't join me...

Posted by Isabelle at 12:04 am

Saturday, July 19

Wa... very tiring today... rush here and there... went to school for school (DUH!!) den finished at 2.30... stupid chem practical, let mi off 15 min later... crappy... anyway, went with my jc friend to cut hair... erm, abit not man yi with the hair, but wat to do?? eh... den had to rush home to change and get out, mit ven, and finally rush around to find tix, only to know later that dey were still selling some... -_-"'... caoz... the concert was ok...

Posted by Isabelle at 12:12 am

Saturday, July 12

Oops, write too long liaoz... but like that nicer to read wat... haha... anyway, it's NOT will!!! k? it's not my last one k? your also train "stamina" what... den learn from me lar... train stamina... hehe... lamez liaoz... anyway, was very free, den type lor... din take a long time anyway...

Posted by Isabelle at 3:56 pm

Friday, July 11

Hey, just want to write a letter to everyone, not because I am going to commit suicide (Choi!!) but just feel that I should. I have been, well, very fortunate to meet such wonderful people, yet I realize I haven’t thank them at all. And it’s not the last one I am going to write, I am pretty sure.

I think I will start first with the people I have passed by in my life, those I remember to date (11th July 2003), those that have made significant changes in my life…

To my primary school friends:

Oh man, it’s been so long so long… I don’t even think some of you might remember me. But I still do remember some of you. Not much though. I guess I owe you all an apology for always not wanting to join you for class gatherings, until it finally died away altogether. When I entered sec school, I had this desperate feeling that I thoroughly wanted to forget my primary school life. I was successful by the way, lost plenty of memories. I think I have a way of forgetting things I want to forget. Anyway, I know now we’ve all grown up, and are all going in different ways, towards your future. I wish you all good luck, hopefully that one day our roads might cross at some place in time.

To my secondary school friends:

Real grateful for whatever that you all have brought me through, whatever you all have given me. I think I truly appreciate the times I’ve spent with you guys, no matter whether in sec one or sec four. I know I have been a pest sometimes throughout these four years, and feel grateful for tolerating my nasty manners. Thanks for tell me I suck, and thanks for giving me chances to amend. Thanks for always consoling me when I’m down, thanks for being with me through difficulties. I can’t elaborate much; otherwise it’ll take four pages long. I can only say that much, but I really hope you understand that I am really grateful for having such a great bunch of people.

To my choir seniors:

Can’t express my heartfelt gratitude to my seniors, in which you all gave me such a wonderful introduction to choir, and truly made me feel at home. I cannot forget Yan Li, Rowena, Qing Lan, Cindy, and Mei Yei all those people that were always there to guide me through my sec one choir years. Regretfully I’ve only begun to treasure their presence in my mid sec 3 years, when they stepped down. I realized how lonely and lost it was without them, and yearn for their occasional visit. Without them, I feel choir was no longer a family.

To my choir friends:

Can tell I wasn’t very close to you people, the way I practically hogged the piano whenever I am around. I think I communicate better with the piano. Well, I think it can’t be help though. Never really spent a lot of time with you guys, but I know you all have always supported me in my performance. Thanks Evelyn Lim and Chia, Chair Ling, Yin Han, Hwee Hoon, Shi Ting… All these people… It was fun having you guys around.

To my choir juniors:

I don’t know, but I didn’t hang with you guys. At least, not a lot. But thanks for always respecting the way I am, and for knowing that I am actually older than you… Haha… Well, I can’t remember all of you, but Yu Pei, Joanne, all my alto juniors, made an impression on me. You guys will probably be stepping down for ‘O’s and ‘N’s soon, and wish you all good luck in whatever you do.

To Joanne:

Thanks for being a terrific junior, always being my sidekick, helping me with the pieces and even accompanying me at the piano. Remembered the times we were always scolded for talking too much and not paying attention to the conductor. Remembered the times we went out to buy clothes for the musical. Remembered how we trained for our pieces. Remembered how well you played. Well, those were the times. It’s been a great time having you around as my favourite junior. I know you are going to have your ‘O’s soon, just wishing you good luck with the papers and with someone… K?

To my adorable class, 4e1:

It’s been a great two years with all of you, especially the times we braved together, whether is it teacher’s admonishing, or in “troubled times”. Loved the way we bonded together, and loved the way we wanted to always stay together. Can’t believed we had to split in the end, and only wished we could stay on. But to each of his own, and we can’t afford to click on still. Thanks for the many class outings we had, and thanks for organizing such a fabulous event, and even thanks for being there and being supportive. Remembered Chu Zhen’s “Class!!” and “Pencil” and all those nicknames we gave each other. Grateful for all those class jokers who didn’t mind being laughed at and provided such joy. Very amazed at how we didn’t ostracize those who weren’t really accepted, and instead invited them to join in the fun. It’s all those little things that make our class worthy of remembrance, and worthy of reminiscence.

To my Gang, SBCA:

Still laughed over how we got our name, SBCA, Si Bei Chek Ark. Remembered you guys were the ones that helped me correct my uncountable faults. I still have some, old habits die hard you see. But really thankful for the action, that talk, that totally changed my life. Remembered our little nicknames like the first few ones, Sik Poi Moi (Yixin) and Tan Suey Pang (Guan). We later invented names like, Goh Suey Suey (Jia Ying), Zhuang Ke Ai (Chu Zhen), Tan Dui (Mei Shan), Peh Pak Puey (Su Fang), Chai Noi Noi (Hui Yee), Tan Kee Chui (Chew Hwee), and Tsan Mu Pui (Me). Oh man, the names were ridiculous, but the joke remains funny after so long. Couldn’t forget how we celebrated birthdays, ranging from lantern festival types, to Chomp Chomp dinners, to KTVs. Somehow, we managed to come out with plans for birthdays. Though we rarely had full attendance, we tried to come, knowing it’s a gathering of old times. Look forward to the next time we meet up for birthdays, it’s an old tradition of ours.

To the Student Council:

Well, to speak the truth, it’s the most irritating yet most alluring group of people. We can never seem to follow instructions properly, yet it’s the people that bond us together to become friends. It’s been a good three years working with people like Xin, Lynette, Jackson, Yan Hui and Ying Qin… all these people were the ones that kept the body going, no matter what. Couldn’t have done it without you guys. I’ll never forget how we got together to buy logistic materials, how we went all the way to Beach Road to search for the cheapest stuff we could find, how in the end we end up returning to the first store we went to because it happened to be the cheapest. Cannot help remembering how we managed the three-day orientation and the campfire night. Hectic we were, but more bonded we became. And camps were the best, allowing us to have heart-to-heart talks, play Truth or Dare, and cause all sorts of mischief. I am grateful for the teachers, Mr. Chee, Ms. Yak and Ms. Tan that actually gave us a position to talk in the interview and to voice our opinions. Appreciated the people that respected both Xin’s and my position as vice-president and president, and to know their limitations. Thankful for Mr. Lee, Ms. Ng and teachers that gave me a chance to become president, and to learn that I was actually a conceited bastard and a person that overestimates herself. Couldn’t ask for more, except to let us do it all over again.

To all my secondary school teachers:

Cannot thank enough for the support and encouragement I’ve received, and of course, all the scolding and admonishments. Made me realize all my faults and correct them. I know I’m still not a perfect being, but I try, and you were my first step. I guess I wouldn’t have been able to survive if not for the guidance. I couldn’t imagine how I would have turned out if I hadn’t been in this school. Thanks for setting hopes on me, so that I won’t be discouraged. But I’m sorry I have let you down, should I have failed to achieve what you aimed for me. I am not sad though, because I am happy the way things are laid out for me, and I want to make the best out of it. I am only sad because I’ve not done as well as you would have thought of me, but thank you for always trusting me that I can do it.

To Heli’s Gang (You should know who you are):

Flattered that you guys actually accept me as whom I am, and see me as one of your own. Flattered because you guys think of me whenever you guys go out, and flattered because I belong. Thanks for all the fun you guys brought, and thanks for being just you, because you are what I don’t have before. Truly enjoyed my time with all of you, especially the many different ways we try to make celebrating people’s birthday special. Thank you for making myself feel special in my own way, and thank you for always understanding and tolerating my faults. Chee Kean, You Cai, Aw Yong, Jing Lin, Ying Xian and Cass… Thanks for being just a special you.

To Heli:

You came about as a very special junior, one that’s very serious, but there’s always a side of you that’s more jovial. I didn’t know you through your brother, don’t worry, but never think you are always overshadowed by your brother, because you shine in your own way, a way your brother can never mask. In fact, there’s no likeness between you and your brother. Don’t always think you are useless, but I think I shan’t go on about that. Never think you can’t do it, because I believe you are stronger than succumbing to negative thoughts. Aim for whatever you want, and go for it. You have a very strong point, and that is your determination. Hold on to that, and never let go k?

To Vennie:

Never expect to actually become close friends with you. Had a very bad first impression of you though. Knew you first as a very bossy person in SC, and not one to be playing with. Didn’t let me do any work, except to stand there and act like an idiot, instead of helping out. Was quite pissed at you. Actually you still have the bossy character in you, almost always making others wait for you. That’s the habit that irritates the hell out of me. Try to be always on time k? I know I don’t act like a junior of yours, but that’s because I regard you not as a senior, but one of my buddies. Anyway, you always don’t have kind words for me, so hehe… ok, fine… Actually, don’t know how I came to know you, but actually immediately we clicked, which was special in a way that I don’t click immediately with people. Realized that we were pretty similar in some ways, yet totally different in some other. Remembered we only truly knew each other in sec 3, and became good friends in sec four. Didn’t forget you stood me up many times. I don’t blame you still, but I happen to not forget such things. You still have problems which Diana, but you never seem to take my advice, so I don’t want to tell you more anyway. Now and then, we still have clashes, but luckily, it wasn’t serious, just plain pissing. I really hope we could get along better. Well…

To Sin Guan:

Hey pal, my classmate, my buddy… I never know what would happen to me should I never meet you. The things that I can never anyone except you, the jokes you and I would make, the times we would sit together and chat like nobody’s business. Things like that can never be bought and only meeting you can I experience such. Laughed at the way you always pinpointed by bad habits, like coughing without covering my mouth, sneezing at practically nothing, and not to mention my etiquettes. People say how I could stand you, but actually they asked the wrong person. Perhaps they should ask you how you could stand me, sitting beside me for three long years. I think maybe we were very tolerant of each other, and very crazy when we get together. It’s the fun times that count. Almost forgot we once fought, and very childishly. But that was long time ago. Never wanted to fight again, but to look forward to having more fun times with you.

To Yixin:

Hey, my best friend, best buddy, best companion, best vice-president and best pal, it’s been the best knowing you, and I can’t ask for a better friend than you. You always seem to know what’s best for the situation, you have a calm mind and you know how it should be done. I truly admire your maturity and steadiness. Don’t say you aren’t, because it’s the truth, and everyone agrees. In all aspects, you outshine me, and I am not ashamed to say that, for I am proud to have a friend like you. I can’t remember you in primary school, but I have the clearest memories of you in secondary school. In sec one, I cannot imagine that you would be my best pal, for you and I were totally opposites. We grew to know each other better only in sec 2, but the friendship blossomed when we were in sec 3 and 4, the times we became president and vice-president. The irony is that we were no longer in the same class, yet we could become such friends now. The funny thing is, we compete against each other who could promote each other’s qualities better, but you know I always win anyway. Love the times we brawled on the sofas of the SL room, laughing as we tried to hold the other down. Somehow, you seem to always let me win, but I just knew you’d win, because you are actually the stronger one. And you never cease to comment on my speed of climbing stairs, but in fact you can run so much faster than me. We would race past our classes to the foyer’s stairs, but you know I am slower, so you’d slow down to wait for me. Somehow, I’ll always have a bit of whatever you are having for breakfast, like preparing two sets of breakfast in the mornings. You’ll always come around my table in the morning to remind me it’s duty day, and you’ll accompany me down. You like to go to the toilet in the mornings, and I’ll wait for you, stink or no stink. There are so many things I can say, that I remember. It floods endlessly. Within such a short period of time, we’ve accumulated so many things we’ve done. I don’t think I could have any other friend so special the way you are. Thank you for the way you are, and for the way you and I are friends.

Posted by Isabelle at 6:25 pm

Eh, long long time no type liaoz... hehe... busy with utopia... just found a new game to play!!! shan't say much...

Posted by Isabelle at 5:23 pm

Saturday, July 5

really glad pple still bother about me... i thot once i leave school, no one will ever remember my face, my actions... all about me... soon, they will all forget belle... i am just a small figure... nothing great... i pale in comparison with other people... i don't stand out... but it's really flattering to know that people still care... that they remember my birthday... it's nothing important, but they still remember... i really appreciate the efforts... i dun need much, but what i really need is to know the fact that people remember belle... that's all... in life, people pass by you by the millions, but it's really heart warming to know that you have actually left an imprint in their hearts so that they remember you... i really want to thank everyone, even if they had just simply wished me happy bdae... you have just touched my heart... thank you...

Posted by Isabelle at 11:44 pm

hey... thanks for the dinner man... though i nb really eat a lot... hehe... thanks for the "surprise", though it wasn't really very surprising... haha... but really, i enjoyed myself a lot... thanks... for just being urselves and being there...

and to ying xian... dun be angry liaoz... k? and dun always say u sux... coz u dun, and u r really a very gd fren... dun be lyk tat coz of just a misunderstanding... anyway, it's really my fault... i couldn't make it last min to ps... nb inform u... den in the end switched to my place... den u cannot find the place and... sorrie... dua u... dun b mad k? i promise i will make up for that movie... som pah...

Posted by Isabelle at 10:43 pm

wa... finally get to watch finding nemo... just found time to go with my fren... actually it's really by chance i met the guy on the bus... haha... can u believe it... we met and coz it's my bdae, so we went for a movie together... i can't believe the luck i saw him... haha... i took 81 from tpj, and dropped to switch to 88, and really really by chance saw him board the bus... it's nearly impossible man... took the bus down to bishan to watch finding nemo... real touching show... haha...

Posted by Isabelle at 6:54 pm

Friday, July 4

hey, it's been a great birthday man!! Long time no celebrate like that liaoz... cool boh, somemore homecoming day very re nao... i very touched pple actually remembered my bdae... sniff sniff... (tears of emotions fill my eyes... tears roll down my cheeks... shit, sounding like mrs lee... haha... -_-"') aniwae, had a great start eating cheesecake in school... didn't regret going school after all, coz got cheesecake for my bdae... chong lai mei you cheesecake for bdae cake before... very special rite? haha... summore got 2 cakes, one chocolate, one cheese... all my faves!! haha... really appreciate my current jc frens... den i tot only cake, but oso got mi a pair of earrings... haha... see me so ke lian no earrings, only ear sticks, get mi one... haha... hen men you xiang dao de yi fen present... very touched...

haha... den went home to change and rushed to xinmin (cannot say sch, coz can't tell diff between tpj and xms) liaoz... reached there saw a lot of pple... very excited to see familiar faces... wa... din expect the whole world to turn up... very shocked at the crowd... den very shocked is that a lot of pple remember my bdae... den i very very VERY honored... in fact speechless... (as i type this, real tears start to cloud my vision) received a lot of "happy bdae!" greetings... very very touched... den oso got dedication to me... really really nb expect lor...

left xinmin and went ktv... sing until voice hoarse, but very song... really enjoyed... den dey gib me a wallet... very nice!! i like it a lot... thanks pple...

actually, dis year, in terms of presents, i nb really receive anything, except for the earrings and the wallet, but i feel i actually feel happier... coz the very fact pple remember my bdae is gd enough... i dun really nid anything... but i really grateful for my bunch of frens... thanks pple... love ya...

Posted by Isabelle at 9:55 pm

Wednesday, July 2

hey, last paper tomolo... fast siaz... haha, of course, only two days wat... haha... studying for f maths, but quite bo sim coz it's the last paper... yi bian type this and yi bian read notes... heck liaoz... wait till promos then kan cheong... now relac a bit oso nbm... hey, mi test ur one thing... what's the occasion this friday?? hehe... but cai zhong mei jiang!! haha... sorry arh... siaoz a bit today, no, this week... very high...

Posted by Isabelle at 8:38 pm

Tuesday, July 1

Have been sick for 4 days... Finally showing signs of recovery... Argh... supposed to have chinese common test today, but i skipped school... in fact i skipped yesterday's gp and physics as well... haha... gd siaz... the gd and bad sides of being sick... taking a break from maths... tomorrow's maths and chem... don't have a lot of confidence in both papers... realised i didn't actually study much for maths... i thought i did... well, i skipped a "few" topics... oops... don't know leh, before the hols i was pretty confident about my maths, so i didn't think too much... really hope i do well, otherwise it will be a big blow to me man... Shan't tok much lar...